The Last Stage
by Agela Abdullah
Opinions expressed in this articles do not necessarily represent the point of view of Best Served. In furtherance of bringing more voices to the table, we are committed to sharing varied thinking throughout the industry.
“Oh, we’ve already hired someone for the job”
This was what the chef of a popular downtown restaurant in Chicago said to me after I’d done a full day stage. I’d spent all day doing prep work for them and made staff meal as well. I was disappointed of course. I was also angry and getting angrier by the moment. I asked him why he had me come in if they’d already hired someone.
“I already had you scheduled, so figured we’d have you come in anyway.”
I grabbed my knife roll and left. I chain-smoked while waiting for the bus to bring me home. I’d just wasted a day off from work to go try out for a position that had already been filled. I wrote a list in my head of all the things I could’ve done on my day off, getting angrier and angrier thinking of all the things I could’ve done instead of wasting my time in a kitchen that didn’t want me.
I could’ve gone out to breakfast
gone for a bike ride
Visited my brother, sister-in-law, and new to the world nephew.
Cooked some meals for myself so I could stop spending all my money on takeout
Could’ve gone to the art museum
Or the aquarium
Or gone shopping
Or have spent some time getting my back blown out by the bartender I’d been hanging out with
I COULD’VE HAD AN ORGASM DAY! THIS FUCKER COST ME ORGASMS!
I’d worked all day with no pay, no comida, and I wasn’t even going to get the job. I was crushed. I felt like a failure.
I wish I could tell younger me that unpaid stages were (are?) considered a mandatory part of the industry, and if you’re very very lucky, the chef feeds you and they throw you a couple of bucks, but most of the time they won’t.
Your value is not wrapped in their lack of appreciation. Your value is not wrapped up in getting that job. You are not a failure. Sometimes you’ve gotten that last-minute call to stage because someone quit, or got fired, and the cooks can get through a service, but they need extra hands to prep shit. You are not a failure. Sometimes you show up and they didn’t expect a Black woman to show up in the kitchen and they tell you that they’re not looking for a pastry chef, or someone who cooks soul food (even though you don’t do either of those things professionally) and maybe you’re not the right fit. You are not a failure. It’s okay to not get that job. You are not a failure. When you decide to leave this toxic restaurant industry to do things that make you happy, you are not a failure. When you decide to put aside your years of experience and small business ownership dreams to start all over and pursue a new path, you are not a failure. You are worth more than the industry has to offer. You are not a failure.
Agela Abdullah is a middle-aged, queer Black woman living in Chicago with two cats and a broken desktop computer.
