The Road to Self-Love - Part 1
by Kelly Schexnaildre
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I am the owner and operator of Merfs Condiments, a condiment company based in Denver, Colorado and I’m also the owner and operator of Primal Womxn, a lifestyle company that offers nutrition and wellness support and education for busy women ages 25-45 to optimize physical and mental health as the keys to longevity and thriving. Today, I am going to give you some information about self-love and how it has absolutely transformed my life, and I am also going to talk about how fear behaves in the physical body and how it's preventing us from entering into wholehearted loving relationships with ourselves.
Self-love is the foundation of wellness. We create space for transformation by nourishing our physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual selves. Self-love is a daily practice that is nurtured by self-care, a relationship with a higher power, and a firm belief that we are worthy of our lives.
I grew up in an alcoholic home with fear, abuse, and neglect. My parents did provide me with a roof, enough to eat, and a great education, but they were unable to show up for me emotionally. This produced feelings of deep shame within me. I had (and still have) the sense that I am fundamentally flawed, that God makes mistakes, and that I am unlovable.
Like so many in food and beverage, I turned to cigarettes, weed, and alcohol, because I simply did not possess any healthy coping skills. Alcoholism initially relieved my feelings, but it gradually turned my life into a nightmare. I got sober and started a program of recovery and about 1.5 years in, I still believed I was unlovable. It was suggested to me to start a journaling practice that included the following: gratitude lists, lists of good behaviors, and love notes.
Gratitude Lists: I notice 3-5 things every day that I’m grateful for like coffee, a warm bed, and tasty food.
Lists of Good Behaviors: I notice 3-5 things I did yesterday that were right and good like eating a healthy lunch or calling my mom.
Love Notes: I write letters to myself like I would write a lover. Kelly, I love you. Kelly, you’re the most important person in the world to me. Kelly you’re brave and strong and wonderful. Kelly I will always be there for you.
Initially, I thought the exercises were stupid, but when I was so desperate to feel different, I stuck to them with gusto. Slowly, but surely, I started to feel different, and better than I had before. The effects of these practices were cumulative: they got better with every passing day. I started to see myself in a way I never had before: worthy of love and having the right to be myself and take up space while doing it.
Kelly Schexnaildre is a chef, health coach, and the owner + founder of Merfs Condiments. She currently lives in New Orleans, Louisiana, and is passionate about food, playing drums, fishing, and all things health and fitness.
